i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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