Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
