so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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