Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
