If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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