I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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