Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
