We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
