a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
