im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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