watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
