I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
