Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
