im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
