she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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