we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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