these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
