Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
