ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
