Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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