I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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