She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
