i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
