I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
