i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
