1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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