I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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