the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
