so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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