At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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