i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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