Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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