You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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