She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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