I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
