I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
