did you get engaged???
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
