Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
