You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
