I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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