thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
