the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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