Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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