So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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