My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
