is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This baby is an asshole
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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