he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
