Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
