Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
