imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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