My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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