i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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