Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Help. Why am I so naked?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
