my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
