so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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